Oh Jesus

Number of People at Table : 4

Number of Christians at Table: 4

As a waiter, I come in contact with hundreds of people a day; different races, body types, walks of life and so on. I normally have no problem communicating with all types of people, and like-wise they normally have no problem communicating with me. Now, the joy of my place of business is there are no uniforms, therefore giving us the freedom to dress how please and basically just be ourselves. Most people are a little taken back when they see me, between the skinny jeans, the long mane of hair, the fact that I tower of everyone, and the “outgoing” personality, it can be a lot. I know this, so to compensate I try to come off as very relaxed, easy going, you know, mellow. But there are two types of people that no matter how much I smile, laugh, and crack jokes, they are just not having it. Those two types are burley men who just came to drink beer, and devout Christians. Burley men are normally very apprehensive to a six foot two gay guy, but the men never look nearly as uncomfortable as some of the Christians do when I initially walk up to the table. Obviously it’s hard to look at someone and say oh well they’re a Christian, you can totally tell, but with some people it’s not as difficult as you would think.

It was a relatively regular day; with a couple tables here and there it was quite enough to hear the music over the speakers. I noticed I was getting sat by the host so I waited a minute or two and then made my way to the table. One thing I can say since I’ve started serving is that I’ve become much more observant so initially I kind of politely give the whole table a once over just to kind of see who I’m dealing. It’s always very subtle, and I’m sure no one even notices because it’s that hidden. But let me tell you, while I was walking up getting my first look the older female of the table, I’m assuming the child’s grandma and the mom of one of the two adults, was definitely giving me a FULL and fierce assessment. I’ve never seen such an arched eye-brow in my life. So, being the person I am, when I see something like that happening I instantly smile harder than Miss America and make it a point to make eye contact with that person while greeting the table; just to kind of say your attitude is dually noted, grandma.

Drinks were nothing like I experienced before. As I went around the table, starting with the women first to get drinks the mom gave me her order as did the child. But when I got to the little old ball of love she, while clutching the obnoxious bedazzled cross around her neck gave her drink order to the male at the table. Literally she did not even break eye contact with him to look at me, she just mumbled her order to the guy sitting right across from her and bewildered by her odd action, he then looked at me and repeated it as to say she clearly wasn’t talking to you (as in me). As I brought the drinks back, and was setting them all down all three (including the child) said thank you, and of course the golden girl didn’t even break her stare from the male and acted like her drink magically appeared there, no thank you, no acknowledgement, nothing. Hey, that’s cool, I honestly don’t even expect a thank you, but the fact that she wouldn’t even look at me was really starting to annoy me. I asked if they still needed more time for food and they didn’t, so I started on the opposing side of the table from the queen as to specifically leave the most difficult one for last. They all flawlessly gave me their order, and then when I got to her she again looked at the man and ordered one of our dinner salads. I was nervous because in order to give her the proper dressing I was going to have to speak to her directly to ask which one she wanted. So I did, and to my complete surprise she ignored me. One hundred percent acted like she couldn’t hear what I was saying while she was coloring on the children’s coloring sheet with the kid. So after I asked the question for the third time and was still getting nowhere the male, who actually looked a little embarrassed told me to put the house dressing on the side and kind of shoved the menu’s at me.

She barely drank her drink while they were waiting for the food so I didn’t even really get an opportunity to show her I’m just a server and I’m capable of doing my brainless job. It’s cool, I wasn’t going to sweat it because I personally didn’t care that much to be honest, love me or hate me you’re still paying me so it works out. I brought the food some time later, asked if they needed anything else and then just let it be. They munched for about twenty minutes or so, all except for grandma. She just picked at the salad, moved the lettuce around a bit and then after a while her fork just on the plate. I again rejoined the table just to ask how the food was tasting, and by this time I was only looking at the other three guests because I knew I wasn’t going to get a response from Mother Nature. They nodded with smiles and asked for the check and I couldn’t have been happier, my judgment day was done. I brought the bill, he instantly gave me the card, and I left. As I was returning they were all practically standing up which made it clear they were ready to bounce. I dropped the bill, gave them the polite thank you wave, but before I could exit I felt a cold hand around my arm. I stopped in udder shock to see the old fingers around my forearm belonged to none other than the old woman. She looked at me, hand clutching the bejeweled necklace, and said four words I won’t forget. She was almost glaring at me, square in the eyes this time and said, “I’m praying for you”. As I turned and looked at the table, only to find the man and the woman completely mortified; shock initially took over, and then after it registered that yes she did just say that I chuckled, and without skipping a beat I said “while you’re talking to him, ask when he’s going to bring me a man”. It was flawless, and best of all I was able to exit first, leaving her mouth open wide and blood pressure probably going through the roof. Normally I would never even acknowledge a customer’s comment like that because being a server you really can’t, but on the contrary I couldn’t help it. The thing is I’m a server, I’m not here to be put on display for remarks and judgment, and in addition I’m not here for your advice. Thank you, come again.